Here Comes Goodbye
by Nienna Tinehtele
Summary: Flack loses the love of his life. How is he supposed to just pick up and go on? Healing a broken heart is not an easy thing...but with the help of friends and family he will. Rated T for character death
1. Here Comes Goodbye

Hey All- I've been trying to update my other stories, but I think I have writers block cuz it's been real difficult lately. This story came to me late last night and flowed so easily and quickly. I don't usually write angst or anything about people dying because I am a fluff person and I love happy endings and stories where no one dies…so this is my first real angsty story. It is inspired by the song Here Comes Goodbye…hence the title. And also by spoilers I've heard about the season finale. I'm praying nothing happens! This will be a three part story I think maybe longer if I get really inspired…

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: NY. Song belongs to Rascal Flatts.

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Here comes goodbye Here comes the last time Here comes the start of every sleepless night The first of every tear I'm gonna cry Here comes the pain Here comes me wishing things had never changed That she was right here in my arms tonight But here comes goodbye

(Here Comes Goodbye- Rascal Flatts)

She was dying. Lying in the middle of the drenched and chaotic New York City street. He heard nothing around him, not the sirens in the distance or the people moving around him; he heard nothing focused only on the woman in his arms. He saw only her.

Flack held his jacket to the wound in her chest, blood soaking the material and staining his hands. "Oh God… Hang on Jess! You gotta hang on." He pleaded desperately.

She coughed, straining to breath, as liquid filled her lungs. Blood trickled down the side of her chin and he wiped it away with his shirtsleeve. Her eyes fluttered open to look up at him and she gazed at him as if memorizing his face before she spoke between coughs. "Donny…"

"I'm here Jess." Tears clogged his throat. "You're gonna be alright."

"Donny…looks like I'm gonna have to break my promise to you."

He shook his head. "No…Jess don't say that."

"I know I promised to marry you…to have lots of babies…and to grow old with you. I'm sorry Baby." she sobbed. "I will always love you."

Flack watched in terror as her body convulsed in a fit of coughing. He held her as best he could; knowing there was nothing he could do to help. When the fit was over and she could speak again, she looked up at their friends who stood around them, faces filled with grief, tears mixing with the rain as they wept openly for her. "I love…you guys. You're my family." More tears cascaded down her face and she struggled to breath for a moment. "Don't grieve for me for long. I'll be waitin'… in a better place. Remember me with happiness. The happy times… the laughter…and the fun we had. Remember me like… that…not like this."

Reaching a hand towards Danny, he quickly knelt by her side, grasping her hand in both of his. "Take care of Donny for me Danny. You keep him out of trouble... He's going to need you." She told him softly.

Danny nodded swiping at the tears on his face. "I will Jess. I promise." Gently he kissed her hand before standing to take a weeping Lindsay in his arms.

"Stell."

Stella moved quickly to her, Mac moving with her to stand behind her a hand on her shoulder. "I'm here Jess." She brushed a lock of dark hair from Jess's face.

"You're…my closest friend Stella. I love you like a sister…I want you to know that. I know you hate advice so I'm telling you this with all my love for you…don't let love pass you by. Its right there in front of you…don't wait till it's too late."

Tears streamed down Stella's face as she leaned forward to kiss Jess on the forehead. "I won't. I love you Jessie. Say hello to my parents for me will you?" she smiled. "I'll miss you." She whispered.

"Mac." She held her hand out to him and he knelt holding it gently. "You gotta take care of Stella for me ok? She has a tendency to get herself in trouble. Don't you wait too long to see what's right in front of you either." He nodded solemnly.

Another fit of coughing racked her body. "Jess, don't talk. You gotta save your strength." Flack told her.

"I can't Donny. I don't have much time." Jess said. "Danny, Lindsay…I wish I could be here to see your baby come into this world. You guys are going to be great parents. I know it." Turning her head she looked at Sheldon and Adam. "Shelly, you are an amazing man… I'm glad I got to know you and have the privilege of having you as a friend. Adam…don't ever change. You're awesome just the way you are. Don't forget to play your music loud and dance crazy for me…we had some good times didn't we?" She said as his face turned slightly red and he nodded with a small smile.

Jess looked around, scanning all their faces one more time. She sighed, the pain was fading away. Now she only felt numb and cold, the rain slowly seeping its cold into her as her body heat faded. Her gaze met Don's, his blue eyes full of grief and pain, tears running freely down his face. "You can't leave me Jess. I'm not ready to let you go."

She closed her eyes, trying to hold back her own tears and be strong. "I know. But you're gonna go on...and learn to love again. "

He shook his head vehemently. "No. Not without you."

She nodded. "Yes…you will. I…want you…t' live your life…'n be h…appy." Her words started to slur now, as she grew weaker from the blood loss. She raised her hand to gently cup his cheek, stroking her thumb over his skin. "Be…h…appy…my love. I'll be waitin'…for you. I love you."

He pressed her hand to his face, watching as she took two more breaths, her chest heaving before falling still. The silence was deafening, her hand slipping from his to fall limply to the ground, eyes closing for the last time. Pulling her body into his arms he buried his face in her hair letting his sobs erupt. "Jess, no! Oh God please no!" The grief flooded through him and he vocalized it, a shout of anguish ripping from his throat that echoed through the street. "No!"

The group of friends felt the hair stand up on the backs of their necks at the sound coming from the broken man in front of them. Huddled together around him, they grieved with their friend as he mourned the love of his life.

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Thank you so much for reading! Please please review and tell me what you thought! Review review review! I love them reviews and the more reviews you give this story the sooner I will update :D I already have the next chapter written…I'm so not above bribing!


	2. Numbing the Pain

First of all I just want to thank all my wonderful reviewers for their feedback! Thanks to osarisanhur, Justicerocks, hope4sall, Nikky's girl, lily moonlight, wolfeylady, and hot4cullenmen! You all are awesome! :D

So here is the second chapter! I know it's pretty short...it looked longer when I had it on paper lol. Next chapter should be longer. I hope you all like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY. Song still belongs to Rascal Flatts

Warnings: a little bit of alcohol abuse…

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Flack stared mesmerized at his glass as he swirled the amber liquid around in it. Jess was dead. The love of his life was dead and it felt like the pain would never end. The only thing that dulled it was good whiskey. He hoped it'd help him sleep too considering he'd not slept much since that day…he took another swig. Even if he did sleep he was haunted by dreams of her. He could see her smile and beautiful brown eyes, hear her laugh, feel her touch; it was like she'd never left. Then the dream would change and she'd die in his arms just like every time before and he'd wake up screaming her name. He'd been given sleeping pills by his doctor that knocked him out, but the pills didn't stop the dreams and he couldn't bear to go through watching her die over and over again.

_I can hear her say "I love you" like it was yesterday/__And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way_

So here he was, sitting in a chair staring at their bedroom, everything left exactly the way it was the day she died. Hell, it still smelled faintly of her lavender soap. Anytime he caught the scent he'd look around expecting her to walk through the door. Her clothes still hung in the closet, her girly stuff he'd always complained about still cluttered the bathroom counter. Her favorite mug sat on the coffee table, her bunny slippers by the couch, and the last book she'd been reading on the table.

_One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side/__And violins would play Here comes the bride_

The things that reminded him most of what he'd lost were here in the bedroom. Jess's wedding dress hung in its wrapping on the back of the closet door; her engagement ring sparkled mockingly from the top of his dresser where he'd laid it after it was given back to him. He thought they'd have forever when he gave her that ring and asked her to marry him. That he'd get to see her dad walk her down the aisle to violins playing Here Comes the Bride and they'd say "I Do" and have the happy ending. But it was never to be.

The apartment held memories of what was and glimpses of what could've been. It was killing him slowly to have her things as constant reminders, but he couldn't bear the thought of packing her things up yet…doing that would force him to truly admit that she was gone. And even when all her things were gone… everything would still remind him of her. How was he supposed to move on when he could still see her everywhere?

He scowled at his empty glass. Getting up he headed to the kitchen to pour himself another glass. He just wanted the pain to go away for awhile and give his heart a break. He couldn't function, could think about anything but the pain. Gulping down the whiskey he filled the glass again and took it with him back to the bedroom. Moving slowly hands brushing the walls he could feel the effects of the alcohol and hoped he'd pass out soon. He was so tired. Tired of feeling. He just wanted to be numb for awhile. _It'd_ _be a nice change from the never freaking ending pain of a broken heart_ he thought as he sat down on the bed. Taking one last drink he set the glass on the nightstand and lay down. He stared at the empty side of the bed, Jess's side, for a moment before reaching over to grab her pillow. Hugging it to him he inhaled the fainted scent of her that stilled lingered. And closing his eyes he cried himself to sleep.

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A/N- Please review! Tell me what you think! Thanks so much for reading!


	3. Good Old Fashioned Kick in the Pants

Hey All. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up. My muse decided it didn't want to show up this week so I've been struggling on and off on this chapter. So here it is. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY

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Drums pounded loudly inside Flack's head, making it feel like it was going to fall off. Actually, he wished it would and maybe the pounding pain would cease. He ran his tongue experimentally around his dry chapped lips; his mouth was so dry it felt like it was stuffed full of cotton balls. Groaning loudly he buried his face in the pillows, but the banging continued till he realized the noise wasn't all in his head. Someone was banging on his front door.

Groggily he threw the covers off and opened his eyes only to slam them shut against the assault of light in the room. _I'm blind_, he thought both hands clamping to his head as the pain erupted to new levels. Feeling completely disoriented he climbed out of bed, making his way down the hall, hands outstretched in front of him as his guide. As he stumbled through the living room he forgot the arrangement of the furniture and rapped hard into the solid oak beast of a coffee table Jess had insisted they buy.

He cursed loudly as he limped to the door. _Great, now I have a throbbing leg to go with the throbbing head._ Flipping the deadbolt he pulled the door open with a growl. "Whaddya want?" he slurred.

Danny stared at him. "You look like crap." he said frankly, blue eyes filled with concern.

Bloodshot eyes glared at him. "Yea. Thanks a lot." Flack winced holding a hand to his head. "Don't shout Dan. Can't ya see I'm dyin' here?"

Danny wrinkled his nose at the smell permeating from Flack. "Yea I can tell. You smell like the inside of a liquor bottle. When's the last time you showered?" he asked waving a hand in front of his face. "I like the whiskey smellin' cologne you got on though. It's a nice touch."

Flack groaned and walked away, leaving Danny to let himself in. Flopping onto the couch sideways he asked. "What do you want Dan?"

"I'm here to give you a good old fashioned kick in the pants." He joked before turning serious. "Seriously though, I'm here as your best friend who's worried about you. You're not answering your phone; no one's heard from you or seen you in weeks. You haven't answered the door when people came to check on you. Hell we didn't know if something serious had happened to you."

"Well I'm fine. There, you've checked on me. Now you can run back and tell everyone that you saw me." Flack sneered at his friend.

Danny looked around the room, noticing the empty liquor bottles littered around the room. Mentally he named them of: Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Jameson's, Black Velvet, Crown Royal, Seagram's. He shook his head, eyes full of disappointment. "You gotta stop doin this to yourself Don."

"Doin' what?" Flack asked.

"Stop drowning your sorrows. This ain't healthy…and it ain't you. Don't do this to yourself. You remember what you always told me?"

"Do we have to take a trip down memory lane, or can I go back to bed and nurse my hangover?" he asked acidly.

Danny ignored the attitude. "You told me you never wanted to end up like your old man after your mom died. That you'd never become a drunk like him. Well congratulations bud, you're on your way to becoming your old man."

Flack's eyes blazed with anger. "What the hell do you know? You don't know what I'm going through. I've been through hell!" his voice cracked. "I held the love of my life in my arms and watched her die! So forgive me if I use a little alcohol helps me get through."

"A little alcohol?!" Danny asked incredulously, pointing at all the bottles scattered around the room. "Does that look like a little alcohol to you? You aren't the only one who lost someone! Jess was like a sister to me, I loved her too! And we're all mourning her death, but killing yourself won't bring her back!"

He shrugged. "I'm dealing with it."

"You're dealing with it?" Danny asked incredulously. "By burying yourself in half a liquor store? You're being selfish! You don't care if it kills you…but there are other people to think about besides yourself. Your friends care. Your family cares! I care!" He shouted angrily. "What about us? Are we supposed to lose you too?" His voice softened and he leaned forward blue eyes earnest. "Flack man, Jess wouldn'ta wanted this for you."

At the mention of Jess, the anger boiled over and Flack was up off the couch and pushing Danny hard against the wall hands fisted tightly in his shirt. "Don't you dare talk about her! You don't know what Jess woulda wanted! Don't you dare tell me you know! You don't know anything!" he shouted desperately.

Danny didn't struggle with him; just let Flack hold him there against the wall. "Don I know you're hurtin', but she wouldn'ta wanted you to start drinking. We both know it won't take the pain away; it won't bring her back Donny. And it doesn't honor her memory either."

Tears welled up in Flack's eyes, spilling down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do Danno. I miss her so much it hurts. It hurts and I'm so tired. Tired of hurting." He let go of Danny's shirt, burying his face in his hands. "I miss her."

Wrapping his arms around his friend Danny hugged him quietly knowing nothing he said could make it better. He let him cry till his tears were exhausted. "C'mon Don, let's get you back to bed so you can sleep the rest of this off."

"Don' wanna sleep. Dream…Jess. Don' wanna dream Danno. 'M so tired." Flack slurred leaning heavily on Danny as they walked down the hall.

"I know Don, I know." Danny soothed as he helped his friend into bed. "Sleep for awhile and when you get up we'll get started on getting you back on your feet."

Flack nodded pulling the covers up over his body, and for the first time in weeks, slept peacefully.

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Flack slowly opened his eyes and glanced cautiously around the room, noticing the position of the sun had moved sending shadows stretching across the room. He stared at the ceiling for a moment doing a mental check of his body to see what hurt. The pain in his head was down to a dull throbbing instead of pounding.

Getting out of bed he stumbled to the bathroom immediately turning the shower on so it was hot. Shedding his shorts he got in the tub, and leaning his head under the spray, let the hot water wash away the grime and smell of alcohol from his body. Taking his time he washed slowly and shaved the couple week's worth of growth on his face, enjoying the water beating down on his muscles and the heat soaking the rest of his hangover away.

Shutting off the water he wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower, surprised to see a steaming mug of coffee sitting on the counter. He hadn't heard Danny come in and leave it for him. _Must've been more out of it than I thought, _he mused as he rubbed a towel over his hair. Wiping down the steamy mirror he stared at his reflection. He knew he looked better than he had in awhile, the beard gone, and the redness fading from his eyes. Leaning forward slightly, he could still see dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. _Time for a haircut_, he thought running a hand his shaggy hair_._ He sighed knowing there wasn't much else he could do at the moment and pulling on some clean sweats and a t-shirt he headed out to the living room, sipping his coffee.

Danny looked up from his spot on the couch and grinned at Flack as he turned down the sound on the TV. "Welcome back to the land of the living."

Flack sank down next to him and taking another sip of coffee sighed, feeling almost human again for the first time in weeks. "How long was I out?" he asked quietly setting the mug on the table.

"Awhile." Danny glanced at his watch. "It's almost 3. And I got here at about 10 this morning."

Rubbing both hands over his face he sighed again. "You been here the whole time?"

Danny nodded silently.

"Thanks Dan." He said his eyes silently thanking his friend for much more than just the coffee.

Danny nodded solemnly, understanding what Flack was silently saying. "Don't worry 'bout it." He clapped him on the back. "How's the head?"

"Still hurts a little though the shower and coffee seem to be helping. Nothing some ibuprofen can't cure."

Danny nodded and they sat in awkward silence for a moment before he addressed the elephant in the room. "You can't do this to yourself anymore Don. The drinking, keeping yourself locked in the apartment like this, cutting yourself off from the world. Jess is gone and I know you're hurting, but you can't stop living. She wouldn't want you to do that."

"I know." Flack nodded. "You're right. She'd be ashamed of me; disappointed in me. I just don't know how to go on living without her. "He choked, tears welling up in his eyes.

"You take it day by day…step by step." He put both hands on Don's shoulders forcing him to look him in the eyes. "And you don't try to do it all by yourself. You lean on your friends 'n family an' you let us help you."

Flack nodded wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

"And no more drinking. You need somethin' to help you get through you call me. I'll bring the guys over with some pizza and we'll play pool or catch a game on TV or somethin'. No more drowning your sorrows. Please, Don, I don't want to end up buryin' you too." Danny's eyes clouded with tears at the thought. "You're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

Flack clasped one hand behind Danny's neck, his eyes filling again at the emotion in his friend's voice, and pulled him into a fierce hug. They both pulled away awkwardly, sniffing and wiping the tears from their eyes.

Danny sniffed again before clearing his throat. "Anyway, the reason I stopped by, besides checkin' on you, was to invite you to the house for dinner. We're barbequin' and everyone's comin' over. Mac 'n Stella, Adam 'n Kendall, Sheldon 'n Addy. And your new niece of course. She's getting' so big." He said excitedly. "We'll eat lots of food, maybe toss a football around, play some pool, and just hang out. It'll be good for you to spend some time with friends."

Flack was silent for a moment before nodding with a small smile. "Alright. I'll be there, but there's someone I gotta talk to before I come over." He paused. "I need to go see my Dad…let him know I'm still alive."

"Good. He's called the house a bunch of times cuz you weren't answerin' the phone. Was about ready to send a rescue squad if he didn't hear from you soon. He's been worried 'bout you." Danny stood pulling on his jacket." You tell him he's welcome to come too."

"Sure." Flack stood too, walking his friend to the door. "Thanks Dan…for the kick in the pants…for everything." He said seriously.

Danny flashed a crooked grin. "What're friends for? No worries Don. It'll get better, I promise." He wrapped his friend in a tight hug before stepping back and slugging him in the arm. "Catch ya later Flack."

"See ya Dan." He closed the door behind his friend and headed to the bedroom to get dressed. Pausing in the doorway he closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing at the ache in his chest. He spoke quietly, head still bowed. "I miss her so much…you gotta help me here Lord. I can't do this on my own anymore. Please help me get through this." As he said the small prayer a sense of peace filled him, making the pain in his heart ebb for the first time since Jess's death.

_God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Psalm 147:3_

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Btw is anyone else freaking out about what's gonna happen in tonight's episode as much as I am??!! I'm so excited to watch it and yet I'm so totally dreading it! I'm gonna be seriously pissed if the rumors are true…which I have a bad feeling that they are…

Ok anyway sorry for the freak out moment…I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks so much for reading! Please review and tell me what you think! I love reviews they keep me going!


	4. Hope

Hey Everyone! Wow it's been a long time since I've updated anything...I'm so sorry. My muse abandoned me after the season finale of CSI NY and I really haven't been inspired to write much until lately, but I've been doing a lot of reading of different fandoms like Harry Potter, Transformers, Tin Man etc. and have been enjoying it a lot :D If you haven't seen Harry Potter: HBP or Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen...you need to go see them! They are both fantastic movies! Anyway...So here it is...I hope you all enjoy the update.

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Flack knocked loudly on the front door of his father's house. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he waited, hearing a muffled "Coming!" and footsteps moving closer to the door. As the door opened to reveal his father Flack watched surprise flit across his face before a huge smile bloomed. "Donny."

"Hey Pops." Flack shrugged sheepishly.

Don Sr. grabbed him in a bear hug. "Hell, boy, where you been?" Concern filled his eyes. "You doin' alright?" he asked gruffly.

Flack nodded. "I'm ok Pop. Doin' a little better today." He cleared his throat as emotion welled up again.

Sr. nodded clapping him on the back. "Good, good." He paused. "Was worried about you boy."

"I know Pops. I shoulda called." Not wanting to talk about everything that was bubbling up again, he knelt down to greet the family dog, Buddy, who sat patiently in the doorway. "C'mere Buddy. How ya doin' boy?" he asked ruffling the dogs fur fondly. "Still giv'n my old man a run for his money?" he asked with a laugh.

"Stupid dog thinks he runs the house now. Thinks he owns the whole place and is kind enough to let me live with him." His father grumbled, his eyes twinkling with mirth as he waved his son inside. "C'mon in. I'm working on the lawn mower. Dumb thing quit working again." He said, leading him through the house to the back yard, pushing the screen door open for Flack and Buddy.

The lawnmower lay upside down on a couple cinder blocks, the blades lying on the ground, other parts and pieces scattered around. Flack snorted at the sight. "Pops when you gonna buy a new mower and just let that one die? It's barely worked in years." He laughed. "You spend more time fixing the dumb thing, than actually using it."

Sr. waved his sons words away. "Ah, I can fix it, always do. Besides I'm kinda attached to the stupid thing." He griped.

Flack shook his head as he sat on the steps. Watching his father tinker with the mower, memories of his childhood flooded back to him. Memories of other times when he'd sat in this same spot watching his father work on the mower; the two of them talking sports, school and girls. He could still smell the scent his mom's famous lasagna wafting through the air; still see the neighbor kids playing baseball in the alley; hear his mom's voice yelling through the kitchen window at them to "stop messing with that fool thing" and wash up for dinner.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He blinked away the memories focusing his gaze on his father. "Just thinking about all the times I sat here with you while you worked on that thing. I can still hear mom's voice yellin' at us to get inside for dinner and we better not even think about coming to the table with greasy hands."

His father chuckled. "She was always yellin' about somethin'. Hell, half the time we all were yelling at each other…just how we are." He sighed. "She loved you and Sammy somethin' fierce. She'd be so proud of the man you've become Donny."

Tears welled up in Flack's eyes as emotion choked him as he stared at his hands. "Does…" He cleared his throat. "Does the pain ever go away?" He asked with difficulty.

Sr. sighed and set down his tools before sitting down heavily on the step next to Flack. "I'm not gonna lie to you, the pain never really goes away. But it does fade with time." He laid a hand on his son's shoulder.

Flack lifted tear filled blue eyes. "How long…?"

He looked sadly at his son, the craggy lines in his face deepening, making him look every bit his 65 years. "Donny there's not a day goes by that I don't miss your mother. I thought the pain and memories would kill me at first. So I turned to the bottle to try and numb the pain. Or when I wasn't drinking I threw myself into work so I didn't have to think about it."

"It doesn't work…I tried both of those."

Sr. nodded. "I know…it didn't work for me either. I just ended up splitting our family up instead of keeping it together. That was your mother's job…she was always better at it than me and when she was gone I wasn't able to hold us together. Thankfully I had an old friend give me a kick in the pants and I was able to salvage my relationships with you and your sister before it was too late." Running a hand through his hair he sighed deeply. "Your mother was my soul mate Donny, the other half of my heart. And her death hurt me more than anything else ever could. But over the years the pain has faded and it doesn't hurt as bad. Now I can remember all the good times we had and the memories we made together."

"I don't know what to do Pops. Jess, she was my everything. I keep thinking she'll walk through the apartment door and this will all have just been a nightmare. But... Pops, she died in my arms. I held her and watched her slip away and there was nothin' I could do to save her." He buried his face in his hands.

He felt his father wrap him in a hug and let the flood of tears come. Sr. rocked his son in his arms, his own tears coming at the agony rolling of Flack in waves. Pulling back he framed Flack's face with his hands, staring earnestly into his sons eyes. "It hurts and you feel hopeless, but you can and will get through. Some days will be worse than others. But you have your family and friends to help you get through those days. We're family and we stick together…through the good times and bad. You're not alone. Don't let yourself get so wrapped up in your sorrow that you forget about the rest of us that are here with you now."

Flack sniffed running a hand across his eyes as he nodded. "I'm sorry I haven't called or talked to you since the funeral. Been a little wrapped up in myself…sorry if I worried you."

Sr. clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it, I know the whole range of emotions you've been going through. I know you'd call or come over when you were ready. You're here now and I'm just glad you're ok. You want anythin' to drink?"

Flack shook his head. "I gotta get goin' anyway. Danny invited me to a barbeque at his house. The whole gang's gonna be there. Told me to invite you along, if you wanna go."

"Sure. Sounds good. Could use some good cookin' for once. My cookin' is horrible and I'm sick of take out." He laughed. "Just let me wash up, and then we can go."

Flack nodded as his father stood and headed into the house. He sighed deeply, his breath hitching once as the last vestiges of tears faded. His father was right; he had a great family supporting him, who would be there to help him through this time. It's what Jess would want for him. She'd want him to spend lots of time with family; to learn to laugh again and live life to the fullest, not spend it mourning for her. He was gonna be ok. Turning his face upwards he closed his eyes, letting the warm sunshine wash over him. And for the first time since Jess's death…he was filled with hope.

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Woo! There it is...like it? Love it? Think it needs work...please let me know. I take constructive criticism :) no flames though! lol. I hope you enjoyed it please don't forget to review! I love reviews... they make me want to write more and get it done quickly...so review review review! hehe Thanks so much for reading! Only one more chapter to go!


	5. Reasons to Keep Living

Flack stared blankly at the Messer's front door, apprehension filling him at the thought of facing his friends after what he'd put them through.

"You gonna ring the bell or just stand there all day?" Senior asked, reaching around him to ring the bell himself.

Flack shook himself out of his thoughts, darting a nervous glance at his father.

Compassion filled his father's eyes. "You got nothin' to be worried about. They're your friends ain't they?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"They ain't gonna condemn you for the way you been acting with all you been through."

Flack nodded, an uncertain look still on his face, as his father clapped him on the back reassuringly.

"I got it!" A feminine voice shouted as the door was pulled open to reveal Lindsay. Her mouth dropped open in shock. "Flack?!" she shouted, throwing herself into his arms she hugged him tightly. "I'm so glad to see you," she whispered into his shoulder.

Closing his eyes he soaked in her hug. "I missed you too Linds." He realized how much he really had missed her, as they'd grown very close over the years, becoming like brother and sister.

Pulling back, she frowned up at him before slapping him hard on the chest.

"Ow! What was that for?" He rubbed a hand over the tender spot.

"That's for making us worry about you ya jerk!"

"I'm sorry Linds. I've been selfish and caught up in myself," he apologized. "Forgive me?"

A reluctant smile crossed her face. "You know I can never stay mad at you Donny," she said as she hugged him again. "I'm just glad you're ok."

Looking beyond him she noticed his father still standing on the stoop. "Oh I'm so sorry! Captain Flack, come in please."

"How many times have I told you to call me Don, Lindsay? I'm not Captain Flack anymore and Mr. Flack just makes me feel old," Senior grinned, blue eyes dancing with mirth.

"That's cuz you are old Pops," Flack joked, dancing out of his father's reach as Senior swiped at him.

Senior chuckled, turning to Lindsay. "Cheeky thing isn't he?"

"Definitely," she agreed with a laugh. "C'mon back. Everyone is out in the yard." Grabbing Flack's hand she pulled him through the house, his father trailing behind.

"Hey guys look who the cat dragged in!" Lindsay shouted as she walked out the back door.

"Hey, you made it bud!" Danny wrapped him in a bear hug. "I'm so glad you came, man."

Flack shuffled his feet sheepishly. "Me too, Dan. Thanks for kicking my butt…I needed it."

"No problem," Danny grinned and slapped Flack's shoulder. "Anytime. I gotta get back and help Mac and Adam with the bbq, but make yourself comfortable. You gotta see Lucy, she's over there with Stell right now." He pointed over to where Stella was relaxing in a lawn chair, chatting with Sheldon and Addy, Lucy settled contently in her arms.

Flack shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled over to stand next to the small group. "Hey guys," he interrupted their conversation quietly.

"Flack! Good to see you." Sheldon stood up to shake his hand before motioning him to sit in the extra chair. "Sit down man."

Addy leaned over to give him a sideways hug. "It's good to see you Don." She cupped his face with her hands, her chocolate brown eyes warm with sincerity.

He glanced down as emotion choked him. Breathing in he let it out slowly before looking back up at her. "It's really good to see you guys."

Stella reached out a hand and grasped his tightly in hers, emerald eyes shimmering with tears. She squeezed his hand once more before clearing her throat. "Would you like to hold your goddaughter?" she asked softly.

"I'd love to." He held out his arms as Stella transferred Lucy to him. Cradling her close, a smile crossed his face as he watched her tiny face scrunch up with a huge yawn. Her eyelids fluttered before opening to reveal big blue eyes staring up at him. He stared, in awe of the small being in his arms. "Hi there sweet Lucy. I'm your Uncle Donny. I can't believe you are so big already. I'm sorry it took me so long to meet you, but I'm here now." He pressed a soft kiss to her downy head, inhaling the smell of baby powder and that scent that is uniquely a baby's.

"I'm sure you are tired of being asked this but, how you holding up Don?" Sheldon asked softly.

"I was barely holding up, but I feel better today than I have in a long time. For the first time since Jess…I have a sense of hope. I feel like I can pick myself up and go on."

Stella touched his arm gently. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

Glancing at each of them, a peaceful smile crossed his face. "You're doing it right now."

* * *

Later, after all the food had been eaten and s'mores made, they sat around the outdoor fireplace relaxing and chatting. Flack slouched in his chair, staring up at the stars and listening to the banter.

"I am so full. You guys are gonna have to roll me home." Senior groaned as he rubbed a hand over his stomach.

"Hear, hear!" Flack raised his glass in salute. "Best meal I've had in a long time."

"Yea cuz the only thing you've had to eat lately has been in liquid form." Danny reminded him.

"Very true," Flack admitted. "Makes me appreciate Mac's steak even more," he said with a laugh.

Mac raised his glass in and nodded in thanks.

"Anyone want another s'more?" Adam asked as he pulled his hanger with perfectly brown marshmallows on it, out of the fire. "Stella?" He offered.

"Why thank you Adam." Stella pulled a marshmallow off and stuck the whole thing quickly in her mouth. "I'm pwetty partial to the' s'mores. S'mores make a powfect dessowt," she stated around the fluffy mess in her mouth. "This 'as an awe'ome idea Dan."

Danny jumped up and took a theatrical bow. "Thank you, thank you. I'd like to thank the academy…" he dodged away, almost tripping over his chair, as Lindsay swatted at him.

"Knock it off you idiot, and sit down before you fall down," she admonished. "And don't even try to act like you had anything to do with the cooking. You stood at the grill and bossed Mac 'n Adam around while they did the barbequing."

"And you did everythin' you could to screw up dinner all the while burning yourself and almost settin' the yard on fire," Flack snorted.

Everyone burst out laughing at his words.

"You're lucky that burn isn't real bad. The last thing we need tonight is to have to take Danny on another trip to the emergency room," Mac added with a grin. "Not that the ER nurses would be surprised considering that they're all on a first name basis with him."

"Hey!" Danny protested as he plopped back down next to his wife with a pout.

"I think one of them has a crush on him," Sheldon chipped in with a grin.

Stella snorted a laugh, choking on her drink. "Isn't her name Berty or something? Real tall, built like a tree?" She demonstrated with her hands.

Addy interjected. "Her name's Bertha!"

"That's right! She's always his nurse when he goes in and she's working. Takes real good care of him too," Sheldon chuckled.

Senior tapped a finger against his chin. "Ahh yes, the famous Bertha. Had a couple run ins with her when I was still on the force. Don't ever let her get you alone," he warned with a mock shudder.

Danny gaped at them, his mouth opening and closing like a fish, but no sound was coming out.

"Alright. Alright. enough picking on Danny. " Lindsay lectured, shaking her finger at them, but unable to hide her grin as she hugged Danny.

Their laughter died down and they fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of the warm summer night. It was fairly quiet, crickets chirping softly and the cackling of the fire the only sounds filling the night air. The fire popped, sending a shower of sparks into the air, illuminating the faces of everyone around the fire.

Flack gazed around, observing his friends. Stella was curled up on Mac's lap in his chair talking quietly to him, her head bent close to his. _Jess's last wish for them came true_, he thought with a grin. Lindsay and Danny sat beside them in the two seated wicker. Lindsay sat sideways, her bare feet in Danny's lap as he lazy rubbed them for her. Sheldon, to their left, with Addy on his lap, sat in an Adirondack chair. His father sat in a lounge chair talking quietly with Adam who lounged in a beanbag chair. They really had become a big family over the years. A sometimes dysfunctional, crazy family, but a family still the same.

Leaning forward in his chair, he stared into the fire and spoke softly drawing everyone's attention. "I, uh, just wanted to say thank you to you all."

"For what Flack?" Mac asked softly.

"For being there for me…for checkin' on me and makin' sure I was ok even when I was shuttin' all of you out. Thanks for not givin' up on me. I needed this. To spend time with you guys, my family. I know it won't be an easy road and I won't heal over night…and there'll be days that I won't want to get out of bed or go on with another day…but I know you'll be there to keep pullin'me up. Thank you for remindin' me why I should keep on livin'. I love you guys." Glancing up at the sky he raised his glass. "I love you Jess."

Senior shakily raised his glass, his voice hoarse with emotion. "To Jess, one of the best cops…and one of the kindest, most generous, most loving women I've ever had the chance to meet."

"To Jess." They chorused all, raising their glasses in a salute each of them sniffing back tears as the emotion threatened to overwhelm.

Flack sat back in his chair, closing his eyes as a soft breeze ruffled through his hair. It swirled around him slowly, the scent of lavender filling the air. A soft laugh seemed to carry on the breeze and he reveled in the feeling of peace that washed over him as the warm air kissed his cheeks.

"You were right Jess," he whispered. "I'm gonna be ok. I will see you again, but not yet. I love you."

The breeze blew around him once more as if in response before the scent of lavender slowly faded away.

* * *

Wow it's finally done. Thanks to my faithful readers for sticking with me. I am so sorry about the long wait. I just couldn't seem to get it finished, it was a definite struggle and then the other day it just started flowing again. I hope you all enjoyed this last chapter and that it didn't end too corny... Please do tell me what you think!


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